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I moved out of the house in the country 77 days ago. Since then, it has felt like pulling off a Band-Aid connected to every piece of hair and skin under it.
Some would say that a slow process allows you to feel all of the emotions (sadness, confusion, anger, resentment, etc.) and others (all of the people who know me) know this has been incredibly hard for me. First, I emptied my room of all of my ‘things’ I needed to bring to Long Island. Then, I started to pack boxes of other less needed things. Then, there was the full day of packing and organizing the kitchen. And most recently, a three-day sorting, packing and selling everything else.
I am tired.
Two things made the three-day binge bearable. My amazing, ridiculous, fabulous, lovely and funny friends – especially two AHmazing ladies who loved me, fed me, sorted, priced, moved, schlepped and cleaned up the moving sale. And my roommate. In the midst of packing and sorting we did all of our normal roommate-like stuff. A tuna stack, sushi and a shared slice of pizza all in one night, just because we are grownups and we could. A trip to Walmart that allowed wandering around aimlessly. A trip to the bagel store, where we complained about the service and wished for our own place with bagels and good service and ice coffee under one roof. Sorting boxes side-by-side because company is always better when you are doing something you don’t want to. And a final Sunday night dinner with our closest friends. The very friends that had spent a lot of the last two years in that house, too. Fourth of July BBQs, birthday parties, dinners, breakfasts the next morning, laughing, dance parties, Passover for thirty-two seats, cooking, Halloween, cider and eggnog, football, cupcakes and ice cream sandwiches, hook-ups, break-ups, drinks on the patio, star-gazing in the middle of the night, fireworks and a masquerade ball all happened in that house with those very very special people.
I know the next trip up to the house in the country is the day I put all of my furniture and kitchen into storage. I don’t want to. I understand that I have to and it’s the next step for me in my mind, but the heart is speaking an entirely different language.
I never knew the most colorful walls I had ever seen in my whole entire life and “I found this house online that I want to look at, but I don’t have anyone to go see it with me,” would change everything and everyone.
“I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself.” ~ Maya Angelou